Research suggests that using positivity when one's identity is threatened leads to lower well-being, and encouraging someone to use an emotional regulation strategy they aren't skilled at can also lower well-being
Empathy matters most when someone shares something vulnerable. Here's what not to say—and what to say instead—to help them feel supported, not dismissed.
Opening Up Is a Big Deal
When someone opens up to you, it means they trust you. They chose you to hold something tender, raw, maybe even scary. In that moment, your words matter. What you say—or don’t say—can shape whether they feel safe continuing, or whether they shut down.
What Not to Say (And What to Say Instead)
❌ 'At least...'
Examples:
“At least you have a job.”
“At least it’s not worse.”
Why it hurts: It skips over their feelings and tries to shrink their pain. Comparison isn't comforting.
✅ Try: “That sounds really hard. Do you want to talk more about it?”
❌ 'You’ll be fine.'
Why it hurts: Even if it’s meant to reassure, it can feel like you’re brushing off what they’re going through.
✅ Try: “I’m here for you.” or “That sounds tough. I’m listening.”
❌ 'Everything happens for a reason.'
Why it hurts: It can feel like you're minimizing pain or trying to make sense of something before the speaker is ready.
✅ Try: “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling right now.”
❌ Jumping straight to advice
Why it hurts: Sometimes people just want to feel heard, not “fixed.” Advice too soon can make them feel like a project, not a person.
✅ Try: “Would it help to just talk this through, or are you looking for advice?”
Why It Matters
When someone opens up, they aren't always looking for solutions. They want presence, patience, and empathy. They want someone who won't interrupt, correct, or minimize what they feel. And when they get that, something powerful happens. They feel safe, seen, and supported. This is the foundation of empathetic listening.
What We Offer
That's what real listening does. And that's what we offer at LissnUp. Understanding how listening creates healing helps us be better supporters. Want a space to be heard without judgment or advice? Visit www.lissnup.com to talk with someone who's here to listen.
Frequentl Asked Questions
These responses often dismiss a person’s emotional reality, even if unintentionally. They shortcut empathy in favor of quick reassurance.
Listen quietly. Acknowledge their emotions. Say things like 'That sounds really difficult' or 'I'm here if you need to talk more.'
It’s never too late to repair. Try saying, “I realize I didn’t respond in the most supportive way earlier. I’m really here to listen now.”
